A few years back – maybe about 3 years - going to the temples for me became very serious after I happened to watch a soap on T.V. The father of the household was chiding his son for not attending the daily prayer done jointly by the family. He said, “Son, are you so busy that throughout the 24 hours of the day, you do not have 10 min for the Lord?”
This comment left a deep, very very deep impression on my psyche. From then on I started going to a nearby Hanuman temple everyday. I always had the habit of praying to the lord after my morning and evening baths. Thanks to my father’s elder sister, who inculcated this habit in me long back when I and my sister were kids.
Since that day, it has been my earnest effort to go to the temple everyday. Of course during my stay at Amrita I could not follow this as there was no temple nearby and also my classes were in the evenings when I usually used to prefer going to temple. I follow a strict rule that I will enter into a temple only after my bath, without having had anything to eat. I do not like an unclean body or an unclean mouth.
I have always liked History except for the dates part of it. Now you may argue that history is all about dates!!! Well, maybe for all of you, but for me history is about people and places. And when she sent me a beautiful mail outlining the description and history of the temples in Tanjavur, nobody can guess how I felt. What even she might not know is that I read the mail word by word, line by line, sentence by sentence, innumerable times. I felt so happy that there is such richness attached to these temples, especially the temples of Tamil Nadu and Kerala. I was completely enchanted by the pictures of the temples of ancient India. I have always never refused any visit to the temple and when I knew that my dear ones are going to this temple visiting spree, I cannot express in words how badly I wanted to be there with them. I bugged her to give all the details, so that I can myself go there along with them someday. Since that day I have been planning a visit to Tanjavur. Although at the cost of sounding silly, I would admit that I had even planned that my honeymoon would be spent visiting all the temples around the country !!! Now that plan goes for a toss , but then what the heck, I can always go alone. Lolz !!!
I still read the information on these temples over the net and also from the mail and make plans of going there at every small opportunity. God Willing, I will be able to make it to these places soon. I will not wait for HIM to call, I will go myself.
Our Ingress into this world is naked and bare,
Our Progress, unique and rare,
And our Egress, I dunno where.
Now after coming to Bangalore, its become more ardent. As I find myself all alone in this world, I have found more stronger solace in the lord’s presence. Everytime I see the lord on the roadside temple, or when ever I visit the temple inside HAL campus near our house, I feel a sense of happiness. I cry out of happiness and I cry out of sorrow. There are so many times when I have searched for a corner inside the temple and cried out loud. It made me tired, very tired. As if the life force is being sucked out of me…as if the toxins inside my body are being slowly released. I do not feel happy or contented as should have been the case, but I feel the presence of nothing. Nothingness envelopes me and there seems to be a huge vacuum inside of me and also outside.
Then as I continue living next day, the same sorrows come back, the same toxins seep back into my body. Then begins my everlasting fight against the demons inside my head.
This post is also a part of that fight. I have not been to the temple for 4 days now.!!! It shows in my writing too I think.
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