English thoughts

 

The kid next door when she converses with her mom uses probably the only language that she knows to speak – English. The Malayali couple who are dating each other speak in English. The Hindi-knowing guys who have been friends for years speak to each other in English most of the times. The father who talks to his son’s friends uses English to connect.

Sometimes it sticks out in my head that English dominates our lives so much so much so that I blog in English.

I do understand that the kids are taught English in school but I still do not understand how this became so rampant that kids in Bangalore can’t speak any language other than English. It does limit their ability to connect to people instantly. The maid, the paperwala, the autowala, the vegetable vendor – how will the kids converse with them?  It instantly disconnects these English speaking kids from the world that is different from their own. So,

Question - does knowing mother-tongue or Hindi, matter?  - YES !

Consider though the fact that even these people who can speak only English are many a times able to connect to the crowd because of their ability to speak to people with much more than words.

Now comes the part where you wonder why the young couple also speaks English. Its strange ‘cuz one would imagine that they being from kerala, born and studied in Kerala – they should be more comfortable speaking their minds in Malayalam. Yet, for some confounding reason incomprehensible to my brain, they choose to speak in the ‘yo english’ that most young mallus speak in these days. No,neither are  they  any wannabes nor are they  trying to learn better by talking in English. They just are highly comfortable in English. Did our reading of English books when young, shape our thinking to be in English?  Maybe yes. That is why our intimate feelings are given shape in the As, Bs and Cs of the island nation.

By the way is it shameful to have ditched a woman/man for their lack of English speaking skills? What if a person not comfortable with English is dating a person who thinks and expresses in English? Is the need for speaking out and being understood far more important than being with a person whom you love in spite of not being able to speak comfortably?

So coming back to the idea of the mallu couple, I still haven’t understood why they would speak in English?  The only plausible answer is that they were reading English books and articles all their life due to the English schooling and hence they are attuned to speaking and thinking in English. Hence their intimacy is expressed in the Queen’s language.

Chasing our tails !

Family Support – a strange concept seldom fully understood by all of us. What is it, why is it needed, is it needed at all, who needs it, who doesn’t, should one need it, when is it needed or more interestingly does it really exist?

The agony aunts, the gurujis, the tarot reader lady – all will tell you how important the family support is for living a mentally healthy life. I frankly wouldn’t want to be dishing out the same advice but unfortunately I am going to echo their sentiments howmuchever I loathe to be in their company.

I did my schooling at Baroda living with my parents, but my under-graduation was in Vallabh Vidyanagar, a small town about 55 Km  away. Once I started living there in a rented place, I was physically away from my family for the first time. Most people remember the time when they smell the first wisps of the ‘free air’ and true to the typical teenage behavior, I too started to ‘live my life’. The physical distance soon started creeping into the space between the ears as well and soon family was forgotten for 5 days of the week, till the time weekend came and it was time to go home for the Sunday.  No, I always used to go home but then I stopped talking to mom even though I was in possession of a mobile phone for the first time in my life. I used to speak to her only when I was home on Sunday. She used to find it difficult but I guess she saw her son becoming a different person and she was happy that he was eating spinach, brinjal, wasn’t complaining about her rotis, washed his underwear himself, didn’t fight with his sister, didn’t slip into his mom’s bosom for every rhyme and reason etc etc etc.  Hence she reconciled to the tangible gains and was trading off the closeness with her son.

College even in my MBA days was mostly a breeze and hence I never felt the need to talk to my parents everyday although whenever I used to fight with my girlfriend, I used to feel the need to talk to my mom – of course not about my gf as she didn’t know back then, but about general stuff like Dad’s snoring, my sister’s hatred for milk, the neighbour’s scandalous marriage, my friend’s elopement from baroda etc. 

It was only really during my time in Bangalore that I started speaking to her daily. When I started to work, I didn’t really feel the ‘breeze’ but rather the stillness of gravity. I was on the ground, being sucked into the shape of an amoeba – or the lack of it !  so when Life happened, I felt the need for my family. Talking to mom, dad, sister, cousins, aunts – all started happening. I realized how good these people were to me and how they would love to hear my voice as much as I would love to hear theirs. It  became a daily routine to call mom at any time of the day I felt like talking – during my travel, during my waits for customer meetings, during my tea sessions on the road side, or in office after a lot of work.

It gave immense peace of mind when I used to cut the call and then look at the world around me. I knew the world inside me was fine.

My young recently-out-of-college friends are out there fighting the same battle with work-life after college and they too struggle. I have this friend who has 14 hr work hours and gets so worked up about her work-life that she seldom finds the time or the mood to talk to her parents. I have this another friend who works hard and spend his time looking at his failed love-life – never getting enough time to think about his parents who hardly get the encouragement from their son to talk to them.

All of these kids have a problem- work, love, bad boss, bad friends, bad bf or gf etc etc but again what stands out is their unwillingness to give their support system a chance to kick in to their lives. Why not speak to your parents – not about your troubles, but maybe about life in general? Talk about what they ate, what they did, tell them what you ate and what you did. Gossip !!!! Make it a habit and soon you will be so full of oxygen that your brain will function better.  Unless of course you are fighting with your parents ;-) 

Some people do like to keep to themselves when they are going through a rough time, they don’t feel like talking or even being with friends – maybe I am also one of them, but still I feel one should make an exception for ones parents or family.  I am sounding pedantic but guess what – it works for me ! And I somehow deeply believe that it will work for others as well !