Modi - the Ironical choice !! Gujarat - the Irony !!

I quite shocked Shiva when I observed that if I were in Baroda for the elections, then I would surely have voted for Narendra Modi. Not for the fact that he shares his name with my father, but for the belief that what he brings to the table as a chief minister is far more valuable than what he spills off from his table as the face of BJP in Gujarat.
First let me give you an idea of what the picture of Gujarat is, in my mind. I have lived in Gujarat for 22 years and have seen the face of Gujarat and also its ass. (pardon the language!) . Saying that Gujarat has changed would be a very obvious statement to make. Its like saying “India has progressed in the past decade”. Of course yes. Gujarat has played a major role in the splendid growth of Indian Economy.
Let us not talk here about economic growth first up. What I want to share with you is the everyday experiences that I had during my time living in the state. The perception that most who are not from the state, is that of a violent state with deep communalism and hatred for minorities. True. Very true. But I just have a request that please take the media portrayal of the state with a pinch of salt as well.
One of the most painful memories for me about my state is that of communal violence and the deep rooted aftermaths. What I can notice now is the open hatred that hindu gujaratis have for muslims. When they speak, they spit venom. I do not know how and when the singe turned into such a full fledged fire. I had a tough time defending secularist principles against them. I remember the time during riots when I was living in Anand and my exams were on. As soon as the riots broke out, exams were cancelled. But how can we go home? All the highways were burning with angry mobs assaulting anyone who dared to venture out on the roads. Trains stood cancelled and the only people out on the roads were the hate-mongers. I would have had to go hungry for three days,had it not been for my tiffin-wala who was brave enough to bring me food through some secrets streets that he only knew. I lived alone, till the time the situation was relatively better enough to return home and I only shudder with fear at the thought of my parents’ feelings during those three days when I was away from them.
I cried myself to sleep each day at the atrocities being done by the mobs on the hapless children and women who were raped and murdered. I hated being called a human being let alone a Hindu. I had never seen such ruthlessness . Even worse I had never seen people derive such pleasure out of ruthlessness.
It was a painful realization for me that anti-muslim feelings had seeped deep down into the psyche of the common Gujarati. They said, “If Muslims of India, support Pakistan so much, then why are they staying back here. Why don’t they just go to Pakistan instead of living here and taking sides with Pakistan.?” Angry words, unreasonable words but are they without any meaning? NO! It stems out of the fact that there are many among the Indian muslim community who do see Pakistan in a favourable light. There are many instances that I have personally witnessed wherein they have celebrated a Pakistan win and an Indian loss in cricket. But then again when we put on the thinking hats, the we will realize that these are just due to the Muslims giving vent to the injustice meted out to them for years together now from various quarters for being a minority and for being the living testament to the painful tragedy of human suffering called the ‘Partition’.
The Gujaratis believe that this country is not India and definitely not Hindustan. But this country is Bharat. And any citizen of Bharat is supposed to favour this country and not some other rogue neighbor, no matter what be the religion of the people in question in either of the countries. Its hard to argue with the latter statement, at least in my eyes. But the larger fact of the matter is that it’s a vicious circle where in the angst of the minority community for having been treated in a derogatory manner and falsely implicated for an offence ( partition and resultant minority of Muslims) they never were responsible for, crossing swords with the angst of the majority community that sees itself as being taken advantage of inspite of having provided shelter to the supposedly ‘outsiders’. The irony of the whole statement never ceases to amaze me – it’s ANGST vs ANGST !!! How confusing and more away from a resolution can one get? !!!!!!
I have always wondered whether it was anti-muslim factor or the Hindutva factor that won BJP the elections for the past two terms. I for one can say that, on all the occasions that I got a chance to vote, I voted for BJP and it was not for these two reasons at all. The main reason was the strong leadership of Vajpayee . I have voted for BJP because of the development work that they have done for the country and the state of Gujarat.
I for one am very secular in my thoughts. I have nothing against any community and do not even mind if I am a minority or a majority community. I have always believed that India’s two biggest vices, drawbacks and ‘worth to be hated’ and repulsive aspects/characteristics are 1) The suppression of women as an inferior entity compared to men and 2) the caste/religion based demarcation and differentiation among simple human being.
In this scenario, when the frenzy of Hindutva is being whipped up by a zealgot leader like Modi, then why do I feel like voting for him and his party? The reason for this is simple enough. I am voting for him because there is nobody as efficient and dedicated like him in the whole state. He eats,breathes and sleeps work and progress of the state. I vote for Modi, the administrator and not the political leader. I support him for being the one of the very chief ministers who have brought about a pleasant change in the economic, cultural, social and psychiological outlook of the state. There are so many beneficial projects that have been completed under his leadership. He has a vision for Gujarat and he is aggressively working towards achieving it. Would you not admire a Chief Minister who holds Kaizen classes for his administrator for learning management techniques to be implemented in the daily workings of his government. Would you not admire a CM who does not encourage any flattery and sychopancy from his party-mates and cabinet-mates. There is a feel good factor among the people of Gujarat that their state is in the right hands and that if they support this guy then he will do things for their own benefit. Talk to any common man and he/she will tell you that they are better off now and are feeling secure about their future for the past couple of years. MY father himself a communist, support Modi and BJP since they have done what all the other did not do. WORK !!!

Being a business man in a state where the majority are involved in some business or the other, my father feels that Modi alone will ensure that the trader, business community of Gujarat can compete against the world in the near future. Modi is a great marketing person as well since he is driving the branding etc for the various festivals of Gujarat like the Navratris ( Garbas ) and the Uttarayan ( Makar Sankranti). He is a workaholic and does not hesitate in taking quick action. Also if he thinks a person is good for some specific job, then,he will not let any other issues like caste, religion, status and pedigree etc stand in the way. The face of Ahmedabad has changed but still in spite of brimming with people, it still takes only half an hour to cross from one end of the city to the other… such is the road and connectivity infrastructure. There is a financial tech city coming up on the outside of Ahmedabad. Which other state can boast of so many big cities like Ahmd, Baroda, Surat, Rajkot, Jamnagar, Junagadh etc. One visit to Gujarat and you will realize the confidence amongst the people and this precisely is the reason why I also will vote for him.
I agree that he did a lot of crimes and he should be punished suitably for that. But when I am going to vote , then I have to consider the fact that who is best suited to lead the state to prosperity and holistic development? Who is it that will not misuse my hard-earned money to pay for his daughter’s wedding bash.? Who is it that will take the competition from foreign companies head on? Who is it that will position Gujarat as an investment destination against competiton from states like Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu? Who is it that will build a unique positioning for Gujarat and not blindly following in Karnataka and Andhra’s footsteps of taking the help of IT? Who is it that will realistically think, plan and execute a winning strategy for progress of Gujarat without taking the easy route of attracting IT and ITeS companies? Who will prove that the investments made into developing SEZs can be double by efficient and intelligent handling of the state administrative machinery and the common resources from nature? Most of all who is it that will have a true love for the soil of Gujarat and not for the chair, who is it that will dedicate his mind, body and soul to the toughest leadership jobs of all? And in the end, who is it that has a vision to make this land of enterprising and dynamic people into a leader in its own sense, contributing to - the overall the 50 states of the USA, 9 regions of UK, and a host of other countries’ states - and say that the Republic of India has the best-run, model state in the whole wide world !

And there comes only one answer on my lips – Mr. Narendra Modi.

P.S. - Followed by a silent observation – "In the land of the blind, the half-eyed is the king !" Imperfect he may be, but Modi is the best we have. He is the best chance for us to survive in this age of cut-throat progress and economic liberalization. This brings me to ask all the detractors of Modi – “Why is it that only in Gujarat , have the concept of SEZs been successful?”

Thank You Bangalore !!!

I entered my room and just collapsed onto the bed ! Whew.. I was dead tired !! And no, it was not a working day... it was actually was a Sunday !!
The past few weeks have been very hectic. The amount of activities that I have been involved in are just hard to believe ! The past few weeks have just zipped by and I am actually feeling so happy about them. :-)

I would not have realized this fact, unless I had the recurring feeling that I was not reading much. Actually the early few weeks of me coming to Bangalore, I had turned into a voracious reader. And now, I am struggling to finish the current book that I started at least a month back. Quite unlike the 'bangalore me'that I have become. My dissappointement at not being able to get time to finish the book led me to analyze the reasons and lo ! behold!... what came out of the analysis is completely surprising. I am not able to read the book due to my various other commitments and activities that I have been so involved in for the past many weeks.. for e.g. friends, temple, exhibitions, theatre, sports, movies, internet etc etc. LOLZ!!! :-)

I cannot remember any other time in my life, when I was involved in so many activites. And it has to be said that being in Bangalore is the sole reason for this change. The amount of time spent in talking, chatting and meeting friends has gone up considerably. I have visited all of my friends strewn across the country, been to chennai, hyderabad and delhi especially to meet them. Visited all my relatives in Kerala and elsewhere, developed a very close relationship with my relatives in Bangalore itself. So much so that I have become a regular feature in their discussions and life. I feels so nice when there are so many people around you whom you love and whom you can actually make happy by visiting them and talking to them. How much of happiness it brings to them when your actions and reactions tell them that 'you care!' and when you involve them in your own life. It was touching realization !! :-)

Then comes the 'extra-curricular' activities... first up is theatre. Well, yes I have become a regular at the theatre shows in Bangalore and it gives me joy when I know that I have acquired a very healthy and refined habit .. that of going for plays. Its such a nice feeling to go to a play and not have to pay any exhorbitant amounts for it. The other day I took my friends Shiva, Anand and Deepta for the play. And it gladdened my heart when they all enjoyed the play immensely. It felt nice !!

Now on to the movies... well I have not got into the habit of watching all of them, but still I watch good movies. The other day I had to choose between Jab We Met and A Mighty Heart. And I chose the latter even though the former is a good movie and what I wanted to watch especially since it talked of love life etc... ha ! ha ! But still I went with the sensitive portrayal of Daniel Pearl's family and their struggles !! Psst... I did ultimately watch Jab We Met last week ( nice movie, by the way , I like Shahid Kapur. He is gem !)

Books !! My favourite !! I have now bought so many books and gifted so many to some of the most important people in my life! Wow, never thought I would do that... I enjoy scouting for some rare books and generally pick up books for myself and for my loved ones. Bookworm on M.G. Road, Crosswords, and small authentic books shops have become a regular feature in my hang out list.

Concerts - The concert scene in Bangalore is good and its a good outlet for people like me who do not have much work ! I have gone to many concerts and its awesome! We still had a bad experience with Jagjit Singh.. but still my habit has been cultivated and we are waiting for the Jazz & Blues Festival to happen again. Me and Sourabh

Then comes the cricket match - wow !! what a feeling being inside the crowd and watching the brightest stars of our country. I saw Dravid and Ganguly. What more Ganguly scored the Double century on that day and also Irfan Pathan - the Baroda boy ( my hometown ) also scored his maiden century in yours truly's presence. ( if only India take me for all their matches as a lucky mascot .. lolz!:-) ... Its such a long cherished dream !!! All fullfilled after coming here !!! THANK YOU BANGALORE!

Then of course, TEMPLE AND GOD!! Spirituality has the strange habit of befriending you when you are down and out and are facing challenges in your life. You are given the option to either embrace it and help yourself overcome the hurdles or just brush it off and self destruct. Am happy that I chose the former path and now I strictly believe in the principle that God knows what is best for each of us. Do your duty, love people and do not think too much about what the others feel for you. Only think of how you can love them.

Then there was the wonderful wonderful wonderful trip to Theni - Shiva's native place. Oh boy! what a relief it was to be with a family on the day of Diwali. I took my first off from office and it was pure Bliss. The scenic beauty of the place was so refreshing !!! Absolute delight it was to ride on the TVS Scooty over the zig-zagging roads of Theni. Mountains and rivulets, banyan trees and rabbits, meadows and bushes, caves and adivasis !! Lolz.. All were there giving attendance. :-)
On diwali night I went to Shiva’s friend’s house and there were like 5 kids all waiting for us. The love with which the friend’s mother embraced me ( a total stranger to her ) was so touching and reassuring. I could not remember any time in the past few months when a woman had touched me (pun intended ) :-)
It was a night spent bursting crackers and eating sweets and other savouries. Lovely moments that I will always treasure all my life. Then came the Meenakshi temple trip to Madurai. I got involved in my favourite activity ie. Praying. Me and shiva, visited so many temples those two days ! boy oh boy ! Temples hidden inside the mountains were real fun to discover , especially a Maha Kali temple and a Ganesha temple – hidden inside the foothills of the mountains. Peace reigned all over both of us and it showed in the kind of conversations that we had. Deep, meaningful and engrossing exchange of intellectual tit-bits !


And yes, I have started smiling more and becoming less angry. The other day in office, Pennamma madam said something that has deeply affected me. She told me, "Anup, you please do not come to me with this crying face!. Smile and come whatever be the prolem just like Sudeep here does. Then and only then will I even feel like helping you." It shook me to the core. I realized that I must follow what my best friend had told me long time back in my college. She had asked me to be less serious about things. And I had sincerely tried but failed. Only when I got into this stge of my life when I don't have anything to lose,did I realize it. The result being that I care two hoots about whatever be the problem. I just smile and try to think of the ways out rather than fret about the lack of resonse from other colleagues. I have started smiling a lot. So nowadays Pennamma madam comes forth to me and asks me if she can help me !! What a change !!!

So now I go to temple quite often on weekdays when I come back early and definitely on weekends. I do pujas for my loved ones and also pray for them. It gives me a nice feeling and a deep sense of contentment. Somewhere it makes me feel a better person considering the amount of pain and depression that I have caused to my loved ones.

Life has not come a full circle!! Definitely not !!! Neither have I found any reason to be alive or found any goal in life. No,,,, I will never be in that frame of mind again. But life certainly has become a completely different entity for me. An entity which is no more a burden on me, but a sweet responsibility.

All these things and more are keepinG me very very busy. I do not remember the last time that I was at home on a sunday or saturday for more than an hour. Either go to give clothes for ironing, or wash clothes, or go help some friend in searching for a house, or meeet the professors , meet friends, clean the house, play with the roadside kids, attend art shows, book fests, concerts, football matches, moves, or help relatives with some thing or the other... bas.. chalta rehta hai yaar... hence not a single sunday or saturday, have i been able to sit in one place and relax.. But I do not mind this...as long as there are people who need me to be around, I will be around for them. No matter what !!!

The loss of innumerable weekends hopefully is a fair price to pay for all the tit - bits of happiness that I have somehow managed in my life through all these activities and hopefully I can continue making up for the loss of my soul by not thinking about it. !

Chalo now its time for me remember my loved ones, say a silent prayer and then push myself into sleep. Yeah, almost forgot... sleep is still a doubtful proposition ! Still need to conquer those nightmares ! ha ! ha ! ha !

God Bless ! ! ! ( today I am again happy because I just insured my life for a huge sum. What to do with my salary yaar... better I pay EMIs, so that my parents can atleast get some money after my death ! )

Vote of Narendra Modi

I want to go back to Baroda and exercise my right to vote in the forthcoming assembly elections to be held in Gujarat. And I want to vote for Narendra Modi. Yes, you heard it right, I want to vote for the 'Hitler'/'zealgot' Mr. Modi.

I almost broke shiva's heart when i said this to him the other day.

.... to be continued... editing going on... reader discretion required.. so ...

Post with no beginning, no end, no content - What the *$#@? Who cares !!!!

Started a new post and then abandoned it mid way. Why? Well ... there are many questions that are not answered immediately and this is also one among them. There are certain times when you think that what you are doing is not feeling exactly correct. But then you have only two choices... either continue doing it or stop it immediately.
My friend recently decided to stop doing something that had been doing for quite some time. The friend was convinced that what was doing is correct.. still is... but poor thing, thinks that has lost out on many things due to decision to stop doing that thing. Well, when rot sets in our system, we need to throw it away and stem the decay. So why feel sad for it when you have done the right thing.

We all assume that someone will think or is thinking about me in such and such a manner. Hence we restrict ourselves from thinking of them as people who would understand us. You have thrown out the decay inside you, not your other healthy parts!!! So why degrade the other nice parts as also a part of that decay? What wrong did those parts do to you ?

Also when you are knowing from inside that what you are doing is the right thing, then, there is no need to think of yourself as some victim. You must be able to face God and yourself. If you can do that and justify your actions as being in the larger interests, then you do not need to feel sorry for yourself. I do not feel sorry for myself but I do blame myself for many things that have happened to me. So what? You cannot think that what you did, although it felt right to you, but at the same time felt wrong to the whole of this world is bad! No , that is a wrong assumption.

We all make this mistake of assuming. I make it all the time and I am always ashamed of it. I am trying to improve but in vain. But then why do all other intelligent people also make the same mistake of assuming things and then makin life miserable for themselves. The world is waiting with open arms to embrace the person inside of us. Lets also go ahead and embrace it.... and not waste our time thinking that the world is not supporting us.
As someone said...
"The World Makes Way For The Man/Woman, Who Knows Where He/She is going"

So if you know from inside that what you have done is correct and will benefit all involved .. and will not harm anybody for no fault of theirs, then go ahead and feel happy about it.. God will always be with you... People are all nice... we just need to look at them in a different way... all of us are nice persons... we just need to let our heart see through our eyes and not our brains!!!

Stuck into it , Lips in Synch with the Mind???

Just heard the song "yeh aakhri alvid na ho..." by the Pakistani band Strings. Actually had heard it when it was released, but never really gave it a thought. Now I was just browsing through all my music collection and suddenly found this. Boy oh boy, what a song! The words just hit me.

All of us must have experienced that on some days, we just keep on singing/humming one particular song. sometimes it irritates us that we are just not able to shake it off our own lips. It may be a pathetic song but still we keep humming it for no reason.. Lolz...
That is what happened to me when I was going to another city to meet a very important person. I kept singing this song time and again while preparing to meet that person. Even when the person was walking towards me, I, instead of thinking about what I was going to say or do, I was busy singing this song. I was so irritated with myself ... but still I could not help myself.

After that I suddenly lost touch with this song

Now, Thats The Spirit :-)

" All your life you are told things you cannot do.
All your life they will say you are not good enough or strong enough or talented enough;
They will say you are the wrong height, or the wrong weight or
the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this.
All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly!!
THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until..
All the no's become meaningless.

AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES !!! "

--- Spirit of Nike

My football coach told me this when I was 16 years old and was recovering from a bad ankle injury that threathened my footballing ambitions. I was known for my pace and reading of the game. My whole game was based upon my sudden bursts of pace and the now famous sprint. The injury took away the very same weapon from my armoury. That was a time when I was written off by the football fraternity of Baroda. They were saying you cannot play again as you did before and that my career is over. Only my coach and manager stood by side. Slowly I went on to play football for my club, university and zone. My coach told me these words, not knowing that it will become famous as the nike spirit slogan.

Today also when I am faced with a similar situation, I remember these words again and I wonder.... Does our spirit ever die?

Language doesn't Matter - Words of Love still Touch you !!!

Its Gujarati and its beautiful. Enjoy if you understand the language. I am somehow not ready to translate it myself as I am not confident of doing justice to it. But these are straight from the heart of someone for no one in particular.

Sapno ne ashru me bhinjata joya che,
Gam ma pan hotho ne hasta joya che,
Armaano toh roj ubhraine tuti jaay che,
Chata pan,
Umeedo na sahare, loko ne jivta joya che !

Haji aankhon ma jane farke che koi,
haji meethu sharmai marke che koi,
vikhuta padya toy lage che ghayal,
haji pan rage rag ma sarke che koi!

Ame zindagi ne savari betha,
Tame aavso evu dhari ne beetha,
Fakt tamara ek dil ne jitva,
Ame aakho sansar haari ne betha !

Vishwaas ni ek dori che aa prem,
Yauvan haiyani majburi che aa prem,
Na mano toh kai nathi,
Pan maano toh, Dwarkadhish ni pan kamjori, che aa prem !

This post is not for all of you to read... its just for my own satisfaction... satisfaction that I put my thoughts on paper. ( virtual paper :-)

... of ducks & eagles - A Metaphorical Similie

With reference to my previous post....and all other previous posts... I came across this small quote today, so putting it up here in case you ppl have not read this.

"Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd ."

Nice quote na ... I must implement the learning from this. Though I must admit, I just quack and complain only on my blog. :-) seriously !!!! In real life I have started smiling a lot more and joking about all these small issues that I am faced with. Yes they are all small issues only. I am not that sad a person .. Lolz !!! As if anybody cares... lol... ok ok think about the quote.

Search for my EQ - Search failed !

My amma is coming to meet me, to Bangalore !!! Great news for a person who has been longing for her for such a long long time…I have not seen her for 6 months now.
But why am I not going “Yahoo!!!!!... My amma is coming “ Why?
Somehow I think I do not want her to see me in this shape. I do not want her to meet me like this. She says that she will come and set up my kitchen , so that I do not have to face any trouble setting it up. Why is she doing this to me? Why do all mothers have to be so loving and caring… I do not deserve her love yaar !!! I am sure I will spill out everything I have inside of me to her and she will feel deep sadness at my misery. I am somehow going along this life , recovering and starting to be a bit more happy each day at a time… sometimes sidelining the hurt , sometimes burying it deep inside, sometimes brushing it off with shake of my head and shrug of my shoulders.
In between this process of healing, there she comes, my only solace but ironically also a catalyst to my pain. I do not want to make her stay here miserable by talking to her about my wretched mistakes and hurt. But even if I do not tell her, she will find the melancholy in my eyes.
The whole of the night yesterday and day before I could not sleep thinking of the heavenly figure descending to my city. I have not been able to think of anything that I can do with her here … its also a month of great pressure for meeting our sales targets and already I have a big presentation coming up on Saturday – the day when amma will be leaving Bangalore.
Why did I not call her up for the past two day? Why ? surprising considering the fact that I call her everyday. She has made Gajar ka halwa for me…  I could not stop my eyes from shedding a tear when I heard her over phone saying that she will make my favourite dishes and carry with her for me. She woke up early in the morning to make the halwa, while I was twisting and turning in my bed to catch my forty winks…. Why did I have to get into such a mess? Good parents deserve good sons… why am such an incompetent fool. Why do I share the love that I have in my heart with people who do not even care a shit about true love? Could I not have given that same love to my parents and made them even more happier?
Amma please do not come to this son of yours who has proved to be a disgrace. I am afraid if you come , then I will just leave all this that I have here and come along with you… in short I am afraid that I am becoming a coward !!! 

Longfellow -

From the first time that I read Longfellow, he has left an impression on me. The Village Blacksmith was his first poem that I read in my school text book and like it instantly. What attracts me to Longfellow is the simplicity of the flow of his thoughts. He does not consciously use 'big' words but somehow these 'big' words seem to fit into his poems comfortably. The ideas that he writes about are appealing to me somehow.
The last two stanzas of The Village Blacksmith are the best and that is what I can till date recite by-heart. It goes like this...
"Toiling,--rejoicing,--sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.

Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought."


Since then I have read many of his peoms and there is another that is also nice...which again i am reproducing because I simply feel so( I know most of you must have read this).... Today has been a session for reading peoms and so this impulse to post some of the good ones here for all of you nice people to read, appreciate and maybe get hooked to :-)

So here comes from ChutKutWorld, another of his classics... "The Arrow and The Song"

"I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend."


Now if you are already a fan of Longfellow then please do share your views here on ChutKut World. If you were not but are liking the above two peoms of his, then again write to me, so that I know that atleast I did something for 'the great poet'. And if you think this is crap and you wasted your time.... well.... your choice of blogs is really refined !! Congratulations !!!( Naaahhhh...!!! Simbbblllllyyyy joking yaar ) :-)

Sabarimala - My thoughts on this phenomenon

Have you ever noticed the ‘Ayyappans’ – the devotees who are observing the fast and abstinence rituals? There are so many shades that we can observe in them. Why do they not smile?

Mainly the Malayali Ayyappans who come to the temple that I frequent, are such sad creatures. They come with their wives, who seem to be more keen and happy about their husbands going for the pilgrimage. It’s the women who carry the various accessories of her husband, it is she who follows her Ayyappan husband in the rituals and helps him like an attendant does… holding the towel, handing over the prasadam, arranging the ‘malas’ (necklaces for the devotees ) and assisting him in even wearing those ‘malas’. And this makes me feel all the while that the wife is more keen, dedicated and having more of the spirituality quotient that him. I have yet to see an Ayyappan smile. It is as if they are being forced to do something against their wish. Strange !!!!

On the other hand are the bachelor Ayyappans who seem to care two hoots about anything that is going around them. They are the most happiest of the lot. They joke around with each other, pray hard and generally are more seemingly at ease being a swami.

The Tamilians are again an exception… they seem to be more ‘into’ the stuff than their Mallu counterparts. It has been a unanimous observation that the number of Tamil devotees at Sabarimala outnumbers or at least equals the number of Malayali devotees. If you stand on the highways connecting Tamil Nadu and Kerala then you will find every third vehicle to be carrying Ayyappans. They are also more vocal and more active in doing the things that go into completing the pilgrimage. Their ash smearings on the forehead are more pronounced, their attire has more of black colour, their cries of “Swamiye” more vociferous and piercing. Why?

I am not saying that we Malayalis need to compete with them in such a silly thing as degree of devotion… but I in fact am observing the attitude of the different sets of people who are doing the same things, but each in a different way.

Then we come to the question of why to go to Sabarimala?
Some people say that they go to mala every year and hence they are going this year too. Now that, to me, seems to be a confused statement. One does not go to a pilgrimage, keeping in the frequency or the numbers in mind! One goes there because; one has to feel the devotion and the need to meet the Lord. ( I know some might say that there is no need to go to a temple to meet the Lord ! , well I agree but let us just overlook that argument for the time being)

I do not feel like going to Sabarimala because I know that I cannot maintain the rigorous demands of this pilgrimage. I cannot keep my mind off certain matters that are forbidden for an Ayyappan and I know that I will take a bit of time more to get these thoughts completely out of my mind. So is that a crime? People love troubling anybody who does not plan on going to sabarimala. "Why are u not going? Young people like you must be going there."!!!

A case in point is one of my colleagues. The chap is going to get married in few days and he cannot stop gushing and blushing at the mention of his fiancée. His father-in-law and brother-in-law are hardcore Ayyappan devotees and go on the pilgrimage every year without fail. Now they both are pressurizing our poor fellow to join them and that too, just a few days after his marriage !!
Now, one is supposed to observe abstinence and celibacy during this period. How can you expect a newlywed man to keep off from his rightfully deserved pleasure? Now even if he sincerely wants to go, yet, is it possible for a newlywed guy to keep the “impure” thoughts out of his mind? I do not think its possible. Yet the world will never take into consideration, all these aspects. They will just ridicule him and everyone who does not go. I believe once must go only when one is mentally ready. It is more a test of our mental resilience than physical.

Make no mistakes about the fact that I would love to go to Sabarimala. Such a beautiful and enchanting experience it was the last time I went there a couple of years back. It a different adrenaline rush altogether. The calmness of mind that is achieved on those 18 steps is just indescribable. But one needs to do justice to the God’s demands. So since I am not fit to be doing that now, is that such a crime to be not fasting, or abstaining and not going to the pilgrimage? Again am asking a question … but this time the difference is that I am also trying to answer it too.

Questions for our 'Ears'

What you want to do and what happens are propositions having a probability of 0.5.
If you know the ear-bud seller that I have written about in one of my earlier posts, then you would know how I felt that it was futile to sell on the roads of bangalore.

A couple of days back I was in the auto, waiting at the traffic signal. There came our small girl with her ear-buds. One look at her and my heart melted. I reached out into my pocket, found a 10 rupee note and immediately bought the buds.

Now ever since I have never stopped wondering as to why I did that? Have I encouraged her to sell more on these roads in what probably is, according to my limited business sense, a low revenue, low yield business? Its the age old dielemma that most of us face ... 'should I give alms to the beggar ' dielemma!

I have always been instinctive all my life and thus I guess I will keep on doing such impulsive acts... good as well as bad.. but it would be nice if I could have the ability to figure out the answers to these questions that keep raising

Asking questions is always the easier part.... why do we not answer them once in a while for a change? So many ppl appreciate persons who have a ' questioning attitude '... but I , ironically , am asking a question... "Why is it so fashionable to ask questions ?"

Salt, Pepper, Chillies and Sugar

Woman #1 – “I have been a receptacle for children. If I count the moments I spent with my husband of fifty years, they would not amount to more than a year of our married lives. The rest of the fifty years was spent in breeding and caring for children, relatives, the house, the neighbourhood.”

Woman #2 – “When I became his wife, I became his property.” She has never spent time talking to her husband. They have been married for ten years. “He does not talk to me. He will speak to a woman in the village. But then he is not married to her. He does not love me. He rapes me every night. How can I say no to him? If I do I will be thrown out of the house. “

The act of love for her, as for millions of women, is dumb duty as compulsive as being a good wife and a good mother.

I do not know what I feel more intensely – sympathy for the women faced with such a situation or hatred for men (me included) who subject their women to such mental agony.

Now sample this –

Aneesh Jung's dhobi is an illiterate man. In the early mornings he picks flowers from large gardens and distributes them in different households where mornings begin with worship. He then leads his blind wife to an open space where she relieves herself. He bathes her, cooks for her, and leaves her sitting in the sun when he goes out on his daily rounds. “I don’t like to leave her alone in the dark,” he mumbles. “In the day there are birds and children and sounds of people moving. She is not alone. After dark she senses the silence.” Days have thus gone by for twenty long years. He never refers to his wife by name. She is his wife, a woman he brought home when she was twelve with flashing black eyes and strong brown hands. She ironed the clothes he washed, gave him a son and a daughter. Son tills the land in the village. The daughter is married off in another village. The dhobi lives with his blind partner in the old shed – days of dal and roti, nights that freeze in winters and remain airless in summers.

“Love has nothing to do with a house that never leaks and butter on your bread each day. Like the seed,it grows - rain or no rain, sun or no sun, house or no house,” says the old man embarrassed to put into words a feeling that he has always felt but not articulated.”

Why do we even try to find out the real meaning of love or Love? I think its relative. To every man/woman, his/her own, i guess ! some understand its real meaning in suffering while some in joy. Both have their own ideas and beliefs, of course shaped by this very own experience ( suffering and joy ) Now how does one tell the other that, " Look what I think is the real thing and my experience says that. And what you think or believe is not practical"

We all have this habit to actually try and understand love by its ' practical ' nature. Says our smart alec #1 - " Dude, I am telling you out of lots of practical experience of seeing people and also my own experience. Love actually is .... blah.. blah..." and says our smart alec #2 - " Look, all that you think is the bookish notion, theoretical and highly idealistic. In reality nothing of this happens. Time , give it time and then see how you become like me"
Yiikeeees , now do i really want to be like him after 'time' . What the heck ! maybe i will be like him one day... i shudder at the thought... but what again escapes me is the real answer... now there is no reason why i should actually be trying to find the answer...

My mind wanders and asks the question - " what if someone had asked the dhobi's wife about this same thing...? What would she say of her husband's actions and 'love'. If my imagination is allowed to give an opinion then she would say - ' Balls love !!! What love... I do not want to sit in the sun, I do not want to be taken care of... what does he think of me.? Am i not capable of taking care of myself? he trying to own me. I think i will put him in place once i get my eyes operated upon by the "bada daaktar" in the city. My friend Raju - the potter, is arranging it for me. His daughter got him operated upon in the city and now he can make pots with beautiful shape that fit into my hands like a child in a mother's arms. I love holding pots. I think I trust Raju more than the good for nothing dhobi who justs wants me to rot like this and not see the world again !"

Jesus ! Ayyappa ! Muruga ! Pray tell me ppl, what is right here? What is love here? And believe me what the wife of the dhobi said is the ' practical ' comment that ppl make about their relationships. Its the truth. And that is what she told me.

Think about it. I may have heard it wrong... maybe i am wrong, but still think about it.

Simple Somethings !

In a book that I was reading yesterday, the author asked me this question. And for once I could say " yes sir,I have done that/felt that even before you suggested"

Well readers....

Have you ever stood with your back leaning on to the trunk of a tree and felt the swaying of the branches in the wind, and looked up to find the sunlight steaming in through the branches? How does it feel?

People who have not yet tried it, take this small, whimsical suggestion coming from ChutKut World and TRY IT !....also come back and tell me about it.

Individuality & Universalism - ponderings of a looney&lonely mind

We have been preached and also we have read that the state of Nirvana preached by Buddha is through love. And then we know for certain that Nirvana is the highest culmination of love. So is it right to say that love is an end unto itself? Everything else raises the question “Why?” in our mind, and we require a reason for it. But when we say, “I love,” then there is no room for the “why” ; it is the final answer in itself. What say? 

Many among us have wondered about power of Man ( Man includes both sexes, for clarification of the feminists). Then why the question arises in our minds that - Man is a distinct personality with a will of his own had not the least influence upon what was happening?

Well, the existence of this “I” has made me wonder too many times. The “I” in us seeks for a relation which is unique/individual to it. Is it not that our individuality by its nature is forced to seek for the universal? Our ‘self’ can only die if it tries to eat its own substance, and our eye loses the meaning of its function if it can only see itself. Is it not?

What about imagination? Is J K Rowling’s imagination merely imaginary? I say, the stronger the imagination, the less is it merely imaginary and the more is it in harmony with the truth. Her writings delight us because it creative imagination and not just plain vanilla imagination being stretched to its limits.

Similarly, the more vigorous our individuality is, the more does it stretch towards the universal. For the greatness of a personality is not in itself but in its content, which is universal, just as a depth of a lake is judged not by the size of the pit/cavity, but by the depth of the water. What if the cavity is very deep, but the water level is quite low? What would you say about the depth of the lake?

Let me form my thoughts more on these and I will surely write more. I might not be making much sense here as its just bit and pieces that I am thinking currently and writing them. Maybe as I put these on paper, I will get more chance to think about it and then I will edit or maybe rewrite. For once, now I wish some one actually reads my posts (chuckle!) this is one post on which I need some feedback. And with the sure knowledge that I have about the readership of this blog , I know it’s a futile wish. Anyways ….

When I am in a crowd I want to be lonely and when today, I am lonely here in my comfortable apartment, I feel the urge to be with somebody. I am finding a deep void, a chasm that resides deep inside of me and is eating away something inside of me. I don’t know what, though. Lets see….

Inside the Church

Not a post that I am very happy about, but I just cannot stop myself from posting this. Primarily because its a true expression of what was going through my mind at that point in time and secondarily because I believe my blog will not have any edited, 'good on English' content. It will have only heart-felt 'material'. And this post is a prime example of that. I wrote it inside a church where I spent close to 2 hours, first observing and then writing in my notebook whats reproduced below ( without any changes )

The sound of the buses, autos and scooters is something one cannot shut out from your ears in a city like Bangalore. Most of us have come to terms with it. But in this place of worship, all the sounds are turned into music. It just helps in accentuating the peaceful environment inside the hall.

St. Patrick’s Church is my refuge these days. A curious pattern of gongs emanating from the bell atop the church - 3 rings – 3 rings – 3 rings and then 12 consecutive rings indicate that it is 12 noon in this oasis of Bangalore. An old man walks in with his shirt’s front pocket looking like a gunny bag. So full is the pocket with “ god-only-knows-what and all” that its making him stoop forward even more than his actual stoop. The lovely looking man, has one week old stubble, tattered trousers that were once navy blue in colour but now resemble the colour of the water on Marina beach. He roams around the place touching the feet of each statue inside the church and then sits down in front of me. All I can now see is the tuft of hair sticking out of his ears. He is busy in his prayers with his rosary and so I shift my eyes away from him to another character that has walked in. The little lady as we will call her from now. She sits down on the benches diagonal to mine and immediately takes out a book to read. I thought I was the only person who reads in the church! But she seems to me a mystery.

There is a tremendous sense of calm and goodness on her face but still she seems restless and disturbed. Ironical!. She does not read for more than 20 seconds and looks up; here and there her eyes wander. She seems to contemplate, plays with her fingers, and then again gets back to her book. Is she thinking about what she is reading or is she pre-occupied with her thoughts that actually brought her to this wonderful place of peace. Why did she not pray? Is she also a non-Christian like me in search of some place where she will not feel like a lesser person. There is another woman, most probably in her late twenties or early thirties who has also come in. She too goes and sits but, I can’t see what she is doing as she is far away from me. This lady has a lot on her mind. Her face is like a mirror! But since I can’t see her anymore I return to our little lady who has her face buried inside her hands. Why my dear are you here? This place is for losers like me to come and ask for forgiveness. It is not for benevolent creatures like you to come and cut a sorry figure. She cries wipes her eyes and leaves. I feel sad at the fact that she has left so early.

I am a bit disappointed that I could not talk to her or have her interesting company for more time. I keep my eyes away from her so as to not embarrass her. I feel like telling her – “my little lady, I am even worse than you are. I too cry a lot. It’s ok to cry. We should never be afraid to show our feelings in whichever manner that it manifests in. For me tears are the only way I can express my pain, sorrow and happiness. Are all these people also coming here to share their sorrow with God, just like i have? Who are these people and how are they different from me? How are they different here inside the church from what they are outside? How is it that they are facing their sorrows bravely while I am not able to? What is courage in these circumstances - Is it running away from your troubles, moving on to different things, or facing your sorrow, thinking about them and trying to sort them out and find a solution to them?

Where is my self respect, if I cannot redeem myself by atoning for my sins? Is it possible for me to live peacefully without showing to my loved ones the true feelings that I have? The again the question arises that is it really necessary for love to be acknowledged? Is it necessary that your repentance of your sins must be realized by your loved ones? Is it not enough that you know that you have cleansed yourself of the impurities and that you have filtered your love and are now clean in your soul and body? Cleanse yourself; wash yourself of your sins. Then this new clean self will be able to shine with light. All will be transparent. Then the true souls with goodness and pity in their hearts will be able to see your pure self. Even if they do not, still you can be happy with the fact that you cleansed yourself and offered your self to them. Now if they take or not depends on how much this 'clean you'is visible to them.

An old couple comes and the lady is smiling looking at the God, happy on being close to God. The man is happy that he could make his mate happy. That’s what love is for and is all about. And that's what is and will always be my unfulfilled wish. :-)

She - The Woman & he - The Beast ?

“I called them Anna, Anna (Brother, brother) and all they did was pounce on me like beasts!” – a rape victim who is the wife of a priest, recounts in her testimonial to the media.


Rape is one crime that I personally deem to be the gravest of all crimes. I can never forgive a person who is guilty of rape. I understand that for murders, robberies, highjack, forgeries, fraudulent practices etc, there can be many compulsions and reasons. But I cannot fathom the reason for raping a woman who is a sister, a daughter, a wife and a lover for somebody. I cannot understand as to how one man can think of himself as so powerful to exercise his secret fantasies on the hapless body of a small girl. I can never stop shuddering at the reports of 2 year and 4 year old children getting raped. I have always felt strongly about this particular injustice meted out to the fairer sex, just because they happen to be physically the weaker sex.

Think about this – a woman who is in her teens or in her twenties - irrespective of whether she is beautiful or just ordinary looking, each girl will have her own ego as far as her body is concerned. A girl takes time to adjust to and become comfortable with her body. She observers, during her teens, the rapid and sometimes alarming changes that happen to her body. She is a bit apprehensive of how she will look like ( maybe for the first time in her life she gets bothered about her looks). She is also a bit apprehensive of how people around her will behave to her, a bit apprehensive of her own self. She slowly starts coming to terms with her physical appearance and start becoming more and more comfortable with what she looks and more importantly feels like. This can be seen in the way that she carries herself. But now starts her own admiration for her own body. She fiercely protects it from all kinds of intrusions from outside. The village girl might quickly cover up even a small glimpse of her legs whereas the city-girl might not be too bothered about her legs showing. But what binds both these women together is the sharp consciousness of the fact that some element of their countenance is on display. (I will write more on my thoughts about the greatest masterpiece of God – Woman, in a later post sometime. This was just a background to my thoughts, so that you can try and relate to this post like I do with these thoughts in mind. )


Recently I read in the newspaper, that the honourable high court has ruled that the victims of rape will be getting Rs. 20,000 as soon as the case is registered. This is primarily aimed at helping the victim to face the various processes, protocols and trials that she has to undergo while her case is heard and judged.

Now, is that really helpful to the victim? Can we really give her what she has lost? Do we even realize fully the ‘ real loss ‘ that she experiences? I being a male will never understand it but I doubt that even a woman who has not undergone this trauma will ever be able to truly understand the thoughts that cross through the victim’s mind?

My body to me is very sacred, very private and very very very my own. I have protected my body from all sorts of abuses and invasions all through the time that I can remember. I can never share my body with anybody whom I do not love. To me, my body is the extension of my soul and I will subject it into someone’s hands only if she is the one for whom I am ready to sacrifice anything and everything that I have, including my soul. It’s a way of my respecting her for what she means to me, by sharing with her my most private possession apart from my thoughts.

I can recount an instance way back from school. One of the girls in my class happened to walk past me by wriggling through a narrow gap between where I was standing and the blackboard. She brushed herself against my posterior and this immediately inflamed me. I felt abused and my private space was invaded upon. In my fit, I grabbed her by her throat and threw her disdainfully away on to the blackboard, almost injuring her badly. But luckily she was unhurt and stormed away muttering all along about how crazy I was and how she felt that I was a pucca asshole. So true ! Why did I react so wildly? It’s an answer that I have been trying to figure out for many years now and that explains why I remember it still.

I had started this blog as a way of expressing my anguish for the poor women who are getting raped every 4 minutes in our country ( according some report that I happened to read). I am writing about my take on my personal self because that is how I relate to this issue. Only if I imagine what I feel about my body, will I be able to relate to those victims. There are lots of thoughts and views that I will write about this topic later on but for now I am just leaving you with what Tori Amos says in a website -

“Rape's not something where you just go, "Well, get over it" or "Believe in love and peace, my child, and it'll all be over." Well, fuck you, that isn't the answer. It's a great thought, OK, but you can go and stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side I work on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long time after that before I was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before”

My question is, dear readers – Does rape, make a woman have doubts about her faith in God?

P.S. : the title of this post has all caps except " he " . That shows my opinion.

So much to say and nobody to listen

I am tired ! Really really tired !

For want of a few coins in my pocket !

I never like paying more than the product or service is worth. I have walked kilometers and kilometers just because the auto driver wanted more than the actual charge. I have refused to buy many clothes and food items just because the vendor was charging me very high for a product that was not worth that much.

Some months back I argued with a bus conductor who would not give me a proper ticket for my destination but instead just charged me half charge without a ticket. I was furious I created a racket inside the bus and insisted that the conductor take the full charge and give me the ticket. Conductor gave up on me and ultimately gave me the ticket. I was so happy at my civilized and responsible behaviour.!!

Yesterday, the same situation in another bus. This time maybe even a bit more serious in the sense that the conductor just took the full charge for the travel but did not give me a ticket. I would have let my good citizen mask take over and would have insisted on the ticket. But hey why did I just give the money and walk away to my seat without the ticket.? That is not the first time that I did it in the past few months. Have I lost my guts to fight against injustice?


There are ways of doing things and each one of us has different of these. What we do should be driven by our conviction and righteousness. But most of the times what we do is based out of instincts. There are a sizeable number of people who are more prone to act out of an instinctive feeling rather than a proper ‘pros & cons’ analysis. I often have told many of my friends, that I am more of an instinctive person than logical. I do many crazy things that are quite unexplainable to many. I am not saying I am a minority, because I know that there are many who will be taking many of their decisions out of their instincts/intuition.

That was just the introduction to set the background.

I used to take pride in the fact that I bargain and save on my father’s hard earned money. That is when I happened to be traveling back to Hyderabad from Karimnagar with Preetham Kulkarni.. That was the first time when we both had had a long chat with each other on many personal things. He told me many things about true love, spirituality and social behaviour. I agreed to many of his beliefs and disagreed with many. That’s how a healthy discussion goes, right? Now there is one particular belief that he put across to me and I was blown away by it. He told me that he never bargains with any vendor. He goes to buy the vegetable and other groceries for their house and never even questions the prices of these. His mother used to chide him on this and he used to say a simple point to make her silent – “Do we bargain when we are giving hundreds of rupees more to the fancy shop of branded goods? Then why bargain and deprive the poor vendor of those 2 rupees more? “

Super argument, isn’t it readers? I was shaken from inside and felt a deep surge of guilt and shame. I realized how hypocritical my behaviour was. That changed my outlook towards all the small transactions that we undertake in our daily life.

We all have bargained with vendors at some point of time, right? Yes I feel. Anyways, why do we do that ? To save a few rupees of our hard earned money. Right? We feel that the vendor is cheating us and unnecessarily robbing us of our sweat and blood. We all want to somehow feel that we are actually giving value to the efforts that we or our parents have put in, to earn that few rupees. We want to show to others how good a bargain hunter we are and how we give importance to every single rupee that we would not allow anybody to rob us. All correct !!!

Now, tell me do we all not go to branded outlets to buy clothes, accessories, luxury goods, restaurants etc ? What do we do there when we are paying the same hard earned money? Do we bargain like we do with those poor vendors on the roadside or at the local market? No would be the most common answer. Why? Because we do not want to give the branded retail outlet personnel or the fellow shoppers that we are “cheap” and down market!! We think that we are not supposed to bargain in such big shops as they put such high prices in order to make up for the luxury and opulence that they are dishing out for us. Maybe true. I am not refuting the fact that we should not bargain in these big shops. All I am saying is that why this difference?

Why do we take pride in depriving the poor soul -starved for 3 full meals for himself and his family – of the 2 rupees or 20 rupees? What harm will it bring upon us even if we do spend that ten or twenty rupees more on the weekly veggies or the night pants? We pay 100% to even 800% more to get our branded stuff from fancy retail outlets. At that moment do we ever think of the hard earned money, the sweat and blood and such crap? No. We feel proud that we are part of the elite club that constitutes a minority of this country that has the privilege of actually buying such “superior” goods.

The extra ten rupees gained by the vegetable vendor or the roadside tea seller will not improve his life drastically but will give him that extra freedom to not feel utterly helpless when his produce goes bad due to some cow eating his veggies or some glass falling down and his tea being wasted. Do we really need to feel victorious at depriving the poor fellow of his one extra roti? Think about it dears. I thought about it and feel this:

Sometimes there are some instances when you just need to let the heart do the talking. And these are the times when you should not let some blanket ideology guide you. I feel much better these days… feel less agitated at the small inconveniences and “injustices” happening to me. I know I have found my peace with pettiness and hypocrisy and all credit goes to Preetham.

Today morning I bought the newspaper from a roadside vendor boy. The Sunday Express and the Sunday Times cost me Rs. 9.5 but the vendor just pocketed my 10 rupee note and carried on his business. I quizzed him about the cost and he shrugged his shoulders that he did not have change. I laughed and patted him on his back and walked off feeling like on the top of the world – I walked off – a man full of love for his woman, a man realizing his love out of helping others live a better life, a man trying to make up for his loss by not making others lose their love for lack of some coins in their pockets.

Tanjavur, Temples & Nothingness

A few years back – maybe about 3 years - going to the temples for me became very serious after I happened to watch a soap on T.V. The father of the household was chiding his son for not attending the daily prayer done jointly by the family. He said, “Son, are you so busy that throughout the 24 hours of the day, you do not have 10 min for the Lord?”

This comment left a deep, very very deep impression on my psyche. From then on I started going to a nearby Hanuman temple everyday. I always had the habit of praying to the lord after my morning and evening baths. Thanks to my father’s elder sister, who inculcated this habit in me long back when I and my sister were kids.

Since that day, it has been my earnest effort to go to the temple everyday. Of course during my stay at Amrita I could not follow this as there was no temple nearby and also my classes were in the evenings when I usually used to prefer going to temple. I follow a strict rule that I will enter into a temple only after my bath, without having had anything to eat. I do not like an unclean body or an unclean mouth.

I have always liked History except for the dates part of it. Now you may argue that history is all about dates!!! Well, maybe for all of you, but for me history is about people and places. And when she sent me a beautiful mail outlining the description and history of the temples in Tanjavur, nobody can guess how I felt. What even she might not know is that I read the mail word by word, line by line, sentence by sentence, innumerable times. I felt so happy that there is such richness attached to these temples, especially the temples of Tamil Nadu and Kerala. I was completely enchanted by the pictures of the temples of ancient India. I have always never refused any visit to the temple and when I knew that my dear ones are going to this temple visiting spree, I cannot express in words how badly I wanted to be there with them. I bugged her to give all the details, so that I can myself go there along with them someday. Since that day I have been planning a visit to Tanjavur. Although at the cost of sounding silly, I would admit that I had even planned that my honeymoon would be spent visiting all the temples around the country !!! Now that plan goes for a toss , but then what the heck, I can always go alone. Lolz !!!
I still read the information on these temples over the net and also from the mail and make plans of going there at every small opportunity. God Willing, I will be able to make it to these places soon. I will not wait for HIM to call, I will go myself.

Our Ingress into this world is naked and bare,
Our Progress, unique and rare,
And our Egress, I dunno where.

Now after coming to Bangalore, its become more ardent. As I find myself all alone in this world, I have found more stronger solace in the lord’s presence. Everytime I see the lord on the roadside temple, or when ever I visit the temple inside HAL campus near our house, I feel a sense of happiness. I cry out of happiness and I cry out of sorrow. There are so many times when I have searched for a corner inside the temple and cried out loud. It made me tired, very tired. As if the life force is being sucked out of me…as if the toxins inside my body are being slowly released. I do not feel happy or contented as should have been the case, but I feel the presence of nothing. Nothingness envelopes me and there seems to be a huge vacuum inside of me and also outside.


Then as I continue living next day, the same sorrows come back, the same toxins seep back into my body. Then begins my everlasting fight against the demons inside my head.
This post is also a part of that fight. I have not been to the temple for 4 days now.!!! It shows in my writing too I think.

Temple and me !!!

The doors were closed. A sharp panic attack gripped me. Did he turn his back on me? Does he not want to see me? Has he also deserted me? Mind went blank suddenly and there was silence all around. A strange silence – neither comforting nor disturbing. A silence I have occasionally felt envelope me when I get the feeling that I am alone and not wanted.

I was not sure if the doors would open as the time was 10 a.m and I knew that it was time that they closed the temple after the morning rites and poojas. Still I stood there unsure if I wanted to leave without seeing him. Nobody was around for me to make sure but still I stood there and as fate always does to play around with my feelings, I saw the carvings of some god-like figures on the wooden door. And guess what…. the ever powerful and ever so close to me lord Ganesha was there sitting prominently. Our eyes were locked in a mortifying stare – it always happens when I see Ganesha…. We stare at each other, eye to eye, each thought in my mind I feel being read and analyzed by him. I could not leave after seeing him. I resolved to stand there till I could get in. Maybe I would have to wait till evening … maybe….. I dare not think what I would have done.

I stood there and then a couple with their one year old came and joined me outside the door waiting for the darshan. And slowly slowly there were more. Strange the faith and belief of yours truly even inspired others to believe that they would be getting to see the lord. I felt good and also a bit guilty – what if we are all standing in vain and if the temple has really closed. I did not want to leave the piece of the sacred piece of floor that I was standing on , to go and see the notice board to find out the timings….

Neverthless as it invariably happens with anyone who has faith, the doors opened and what a reception was given to all of us devotees waiting for our communion with the Supreme. A thundering sound emanated from the insides of the sanctum sanctorum and my heart skipped a beat. I entered and saw the door of the lord’s chamber closed. Meanwhile the “thuds” continued to resound in the hall and the soon there was s more shriller sound weaving a patter in the atmosphere with the “thuds”. “Chenda” – the ancient traditional musical instrument was being played by two priests inside the temple and as is the case with all such musical offerings to the almighty, they were starting at a low note. There I stood in front of the closed doors, waiting and thinking. Thinking ? Not really thinking. I could see all the memories flooding back into my mind. But that is what usually happens when I come to see the Lord. Each and every moment spent with her clearly play in front of my eyes and then I cannot just control my tears. The slow beats of the drums had been slowly propping themselves to a faster beat – esp the shriller drum whose music was piercing like a sliver into the nervous passageways of the brain and somehow managing to find stimulate a ‘tear-gland’ on its way up.

There I stood utterly standstill, mind, body and soul all in one sync, each muscle contorted yet strangely relaxed at the prospect of seeing the lord. Each cell in my body praying with single minded devotion for that someone. The music slowly reached a crescendo and then at that moment, the most beautiful sound of the bell in the main priest’s hand rang and I saw Him ! HE was in my favourite make-up – the sandalwood paste smeared across his face with the eyes, nose and lips showing. There were red coloured small flowers and tulsi garland around his black body. The sandalwood paste, the red flowers and the black body – all added to the effect and he for a change was not really mocking me.

My eyes were finding it hard to cope with the conflicting commands coming from the heart and the brain. For a change I heard my brain’s command and continued soaking in all that I could of the god instead of closing my eyes. ( Wonder why we instinctively close our eyes whenever we see the lord after waiting for such a long time to get a single glimpse) I stood there, stood all alone in the crowd, a steady streams of salty water running down my cheeks. A small girl was making a spectacle out of me by pointing out to her mother, as to how I was crying. I just smiled at her and continued staring at the lord. Nothing could move my legs that were weighing some 100 tonnes.

Then the music stopped and I closed my eyes…. A calm descended upon me and I concentrated on making my prayers to the lord. But then I had decided that I will not ask for anything from him and I will just pay my respects to him and come away with a lighter heart. So I just smiled at him.

Thereafter it was the turn of the one and only Ganesh !!! I was again locked in a stare with him . My eyes peering only at his eyes and asking him questions. He calmly stares back saying, “ run along boy, I have other more serious tasks to take care of !! I again smile. That is one good thing that hopelessness has taught me. To smile at adversity and move on with my tasks without expectations. Anyone who mocks me just gets a smile in return because my faith in goodness still stands unshakeable. I know god is just mocking me so that he can do good to me when the time arrives. Its this realization that is my biggest gain from today’s prayers. Another lesson learnt from the experience – the experience of praying everyday, every hour, every minute. Yes, hard to believe !! Never been more closer to god than this in my life I must say.

BETTER HALF

Am reproducing Uma Girish's short story - worth a read

Six blue china mugs, each with an ivory rim. I pick one up and twirl it. As I cradle it, a rush of memories wallops me. Dev and I spotted the set in a tiny shop in Ranikhet. Six blue mugs sitting prim and proper, on a top shelf. We locked our eyes and smiled: we had it all worked out – even where it would go in our kitchen cabinet.

I spread an old Saturday Times supplement on the floor. I place the mug in the centre and smother it in newsprint. Sitting in our Delhi home, surrounded by cardboard boxes, markers, photo albums, Scotch tape and time, I wonder how I got here. I, who always saw marriage as a safe port from the turbulent storms of life. Maybe my parents’ good marriage had set a bad example.

When Dev stepped into my life one sultry July afternoon and took possession of my heart, it seemed perfectly natural. All my teen life, mother warned me against men she called “silver-tongued devils” and I’d believed I had developed sufficient immunity against the species. Until Dev.

It took me twelve years to catch up, to learn that he was one of them. I can’t put a finger on what drew me to him. His brown eyes, dark hair, intellectual air, natural charm, or the combination? I, who tossed my hair and laughed at typical male compliments, started to feel sexy when Dev spouted poetry about everything, from the shape of my nose to the silk of my tresses. From first encounter to engagement to wedding had taken a mere five weeks. But what weeks they were!! I’d swung between the highest highs and the lowest lows, and Dev was my emotional barometer. I breathed and lived and walked and slept for Dev.

Books and music stitched us together when the magic of first love, became worn with time, like faded denim.

I shake my head free of thoughts and stare at the mess around me. At the debris of a twelve-year marriage; of the task of trying to divide – to separate two lives that lived as one for all these years. The furniture is all his, except the wrought-iron garden benches and the teak bureau with its cubby-holes. He once tucked little love notes into those for me to discover. That was a long time ago, when our love was as magical as something that came out of gift-wrapping, when every day brought a new discovery about each other.

How time slips away. And, a twelve-year-old marriage that kept a man and woman together dies in the fifteen seconds he takes to tell you that he hoped it wouldn’t come to this, that he never meant to hurt you, but he’s found himself a younger someone to share his life with. And slowly it begins to unravel, the love and respect and trust and intimacy you thought were as safe as pearls in their oysters.

But it’s over.

Was I foolish to believe it would never come to this? Our love changed over the years. It grew mellow and calm, free of the rush and desperation of its early form. I never asked why, when my stomach didn’t lurch every time I looked at him, or my heart stopped thudding when I heard the low growl of his car. That is the nature of love.

We started out with two sets of dreams – his dreams and my dreams, which entwined to become our dreams. How do you unravel dreams made together?

Six blue mugs. The cloudless blue of empty skies. Three for him, three for me.

The books. Kafka, A.. J Cronin, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the Jane Eyre classics and Ernest Hemingway are mine. Tom Clancy, Sidney Sheldon, James Patterson, Stephen King and Paulo Coelho go into his box.

The photo-frames are all now mine. You can keep them, he said. To him, they are memories past their expiry date. A souvenir from a past life, that’s what I have become.

We always shared closet space. The wooden shelves are strangely empty today. His formal shirts, motley collection of ties, Jockey shorts and socks have fled from their restricting confines. As if they couldn’t wait to move to a new shelf, to the smell of fresh paint, sharing space with lacy lingerie.

A lone toothbrush lolls in the mug on the bathroom countertop. Mine. On closer inspection, I see it’s pink. Mine is a crimson red. And then I realize: it is the stringy one he discarded. He has left it for me to pick up and throw away. I can’t believe I’m still picking up and cleaning after the man. Slivers of smell hang about. And then a cloud of smells attack me. His smells, his many, many smells. You can run across continents or try to hide in the anonymity of small-town life but a smell will always search you out. One strong whiff of the past is all it takes to knock you over. Maybe it is rice and fish curry – his favourite meal. Or the hot smell of burning rubber as a motorbike whizzes by and reminds you of the long rides hugging hairpin bends. It could be the smell of the first rains that nudege a memory – of how he led you to the verandah and touched you.

I’m jolted by the doorbell. It is a courier for Dev. Am I still allowed to sign as Mrs Dev Chatterjee? My fingers scrawl something unintelligible. I shut the door and walk to the dining room. Two plates. Two mugs. Two bowls with leftover blobs of mango. I still server two out of habit and eat from both.

I stare around me, uncomprehending. I am packing away a twelve-year-marriage int two boxes – HIS and HERS. The irony grabs me by the throat. How do I even begin to divide? Is it possible to split a life into a perfect 50:50? I place three mugs in his box, and three remain. Ditto for the plates, cutlery and crockery, even the masks from our Thailand trip. And that sets me thinking about how we’d have divided the kids. Luckily, we have none.

My mind travels back to the evening in the gynecologist’s office. Blocked tubes, she said. “Hey, it’s no big deal. You’ll be my baby and I’ll be yours,” Dev had crooned, flicking a teardrop with his thumb. “Just think about it. We have all our lives ahead of us and we have each other. Isn’t that a blessing?”

I should’ve known that promise would go the way all promises do.
I look around the room. I’m almost done but I can’t tear the smell of him from my skin. Nor can I split and sieve the memories in my head.

The ringing telephone interrupts my rambling nostalgia.

“Hello…”
“Hi…it’s me.” It is he.
“Hi…”
“I was just … um … wondering if you’d finished with the papers. My lawyer needs them tomorrow.”

The cordless feels like a dead weight in my hands.

“So …,” he fumbles on, “could you have them ready? I’ll send the driver around.”

“Sure.” I whisper.

I place the phone in its cradle and walk across to the desk. I pick up the form, the one that requests a divorce via Mutual Consent. I rip it neatly into two, right down the middle.

Which half would you like, Mr. Dev Chatterjee? I ask, and hear my laughter echo off the walls.

My Life !!!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.2
Mind:	4.5
Body:	7.6
Spirit:	5.8
Friends/Family:	2.3
Love:	0
Finance:	5.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Sleep and Me

Sleep. Sleep is important they say. But I like the typical b-school grad never took that piece of advice seriously and used to think, “ what the heck, just a few hours of sleep is enough for a man. People just indulge themselves by sleeping so much.” True that a few hours are enough, but what about getting quality sleep in those 4-5 hours?

Till this age, I never had a problem of not being able to sleep well or had lack of sound sleep. Till this age I never realized that its possible to sleep for 6 hours and still wake up as if you are tired and awake for eternity. Till this age I never realized that even dreams without monsters, deaths etc can be nightmares. Till this age I never thought that I will be not able to wake up and feel happy about last night.

Oh how foolish and ignorant was I. These days sound sleep is an invaluable jewel that I do not possess. Nightmares after nightmares, jolts after jolts, shivers after shivers, all are a part and parcel of my sleep. Thank god I do not wake up shouting in my sleep. Do not mistake it, I do still wake up about 5 times on an average in my sleep but atleast I keep my bloody mouth shut.!

A person who even as a child was never afraid to sleep alone, without any teddy bears and pillows to keep company, I now need the small statue of God Ayyappan to be kept right near my bosom in order to feel a bit at ease for the long night ahead. He keeps me company during the tumultuous nights. He smiles, with a faith hint of mockery everytime that I look at him in the middle of the night and makes me feel even more pathetic at my emotional state. God has a strange way of being with you and still acting so detached from you that sometimes you wonder if there is really someone with you? Is there anyone who will support you and not cheat you? Is there anyone who will stick to their word? Is there anyone who has the guts to support you and love you, no matter what all mistakes you make in life? God will always be with me, I know, and his way of mocking at me is to show me how foolish I am and how I must not continue like this. But irony of all ironies is that, if I stop feeling the way I am feeling then maybe I will be cheating the same God whom I pledged to and promised to about a few things in my life. Just because I do not have things going my way, should I break the promises I made with a sincere heart in front of the holy dieties in Eachanari, guruvayoor, chalissery, sama, r s puram, peelamedu, the roadside temple, and the list goes on and on…

Why do I get these dreams? Whats in these dreams anyways? These are nightmares wherein only your loved ones torment you. Yes, my mom torments me! my dad torments me! my sister torments me! my friends torment me! my relative torments me! and above all my love torments me!!! My love for all of the above and my love for myself torments me. What do I do, I have no clue? This post I am writing in the morning, just after another night full of torment, full of tears and full of perspiration. I try to gulp my fears and sorrow down with a cup of morning tea, but does it really help? I open my comp and try and write it all down, but does it really help. Well maybe it helped because I just have ran out of time and also the urge to do a foolish thing. Really a foolish thing? Time will tell someday ……

I can't see nobody !

This is a song by my fav band, the one and only Bee Gees ! This song sums up my personal life till now esp the last paragraph. I had promised myself long long back that I will put this as a post on my blog someday and now I am keeping my promise. But trust me you gotta listen to the song with the smooth music in order to appreciate the beauty of the song. The chorus is amazing in this song. Please listen to it sometime if you can. ok? But do not write it for some girl if you trying to woo her. I tried and she was so enchanted that she dumped me in the next 20 days. Lolz !!! On the lighter side, just enjoy this recommendation coming from ChutKut World. Here it goes..... my fav song from the one and only Gibb brothers

I walk the lonely streets; I watch the people passing by.
I used to smile and say hello. Guess I was just a happy guy.
Then you happened, girl, this feeling that possesses me.
I just can't move myself. I guess it all just had to be.

I can't see nobody...no, I can't see nobody.
Mine eyes can only look at you...you.

I used to have a brain; I used to think of many things.
I watched the falling rain and listened to the sweet birds sing.
Don't ask me why, little girl. I love you and that's all I can say.
You're ev'ry ,ev'ry breath I take. You are my nights; my night and day.

I can't see nobody...no, I can't see nobody.
Mine eyes can only look at you...you.

Every single word you hear...is coming from this heart of mine.
I never felt like this before...a love like yours so young and fine.
And now as I try to forget you...it doesn't work out any way.
I loved you such a long time ago...but in my eyes you'll always be.
Every single word you hear...is coming from this heart of mine.
I loved you such a long time ago...don't know why...
And I don't know why...baby...

I can't see nobody...no, I can't see nobody.
Mine eyes can only look at you...you.

- BEE GEES :-)

The Ear Bud Seller !!!

er eyes were grey in colour. It made a riveting sight for me since grey is not a colour that you associate with kids’ eyes. Yellowish grey is more like what her groggy eyes looked like. A crumpled sheet that looked more of a hybrid between a boy’s shirt and frock was covering her excuse for a body. Her hair was bronze in colour and in between those highly jumbled up strands were huge chunks of dirt, a gift from the endless lines of vehicles emitting some of the most poisonous gases.

Her eyes ( yes again I will come back to that same feature which captivated me so much) -so high was the melancholy in those small eyes that all the tears that I shed for my silly sorrow seemed an insult to that kid. She was selling ear buds on the roads of Bangalore. Of all the items, why ear buds? She was selling it for 5 bucks. A packet of 50 ear buds for Rs. 5. It got me thinking as to what will be the amount of profit that she might make out of selling such a strange product in the middle of the road. Just imagine the little angel banking on - the upwardly mobile yuppies of bangalore’s corporate maze - to stop their cars and bikes to buy a panacea for cleaning their ears. Yikes, I can already see the lady in the red colour Maruti Swift smirking in disgust at the very thought of cleaning her ears of the yellowish orangeish sticky substance that is for some strange reason produced by her own beautiful body.

Anyways the girl did not study consumer behaviour, finance or sales, for her to know what would sell and where. It was the lucky folks like us who never need to use this knowledge who end up getting the education. Hey is that not strange that whatever we learn, we hardly need to put to use whereas people who need to desperately use this kind of knowledge, never end up receiving it.

Some thoughts these are.. and my dear readers, I am not trying to find answers to these questions as I think that there are not cut and clear answers to these intricacies of life. My blog is a medium of raising a few questions and then collectively trying to answer them and not just go by what I say or you say as the final answer. I am getting a bit preoccupied with my thoughts to write any more meaningful stuff ( not that the earlier was meaningful anyways)
So chalo I will stop now.

cheap people

Today the unthinkable happened !!!!
I just realized how cheap people can become. I am amazed that I am still smiling.
Did you guys ever get a feeling in life when you felt that you are actually hated by someone you thought would never hate you?
How can people become so cheap that they lie to you all your life and when we are no longer with them, they abuse your character to all an sundry.

I just got the taste of it all today.

The Paradox of our age

The Paradox of our age

We have bigger houses but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness;

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,
But have trouble crossing the street to meet, the new neighbour.
We built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever,
But have less communication;
We have become long on quantity,
But short on quality.

These are times of fast foods
But slow digestion;
Tall but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.

It’s a time when there is much in the window,
But nothing in the room. :-)

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

I, am Eagle !!!

Small, small and small, but what would it have been if not small? The question was what was big though. And yet floating in the wave after wave of such insensible questions inside my head

I am the free one, the carefree one my. Listen oh ye men whom I always look down upon, listen up and if you can, then do feel pity for yourself. Pity is an interesting emotion that gives you a way to escape the onerous task that you in reality do not want to do. Is it not oh you mentally demented fellows? I clearly do not understand what makes you do the silly things that you do, considering the fact that you are such lower grade of God’s creation. Oh ! you didn’t know that I can also subscribe to the Superpwer’s existence! Again how foolish you are to not understand that even I am a creation of the God and there cannot be a creature who will escape the overwhelming feeling that they are being watched by someone up there….Hey, why do we have to look up , why the concept of ‘ up ‘ or ‘ down ‘?
Why is always up considered to be more better and a parameter of superiority?

Is it not ironic coming from my own beak? Yes I have flown on the back of the soothing and the turbulent winds , silent breeze and caressing air. I have experienced the adrenalin rush while flying higher and higher, faster and faster…. laughing at the inability of the other base creatures to experience the same heady feeling. Mind you, I always felt pity for them, for it was none of their fault that they could not fly. I was wondering what made God make me fly… Was I not the best ? Oh you bet I was the best or else why would I be bestowed with the most joyful feeling in the whole wide world.?

That day too I was flying, smirking, feeling the wind hit my feathers…. And then there I was near a place that seemed to be built by you all on top of a hill. Yes there were many people thronging the place like only they can. Why would they not learn something from those wretched ants who for some reason always walking kissing each other’s butt! But still they maintain some order … Anyways , there was I in all my majesty doing my gyrations over the belly of the wind that was gushing over the poor soul making their way into that structure.

Then I felt I needed to get out of this place, I needed to get back to sanity of the carefree winds and not these gushes… so I spread my wings… spread them long and hard, showing off the beautiful shape to all those humans down there. Air filled up my wings and then I was all ready for my surge … a huge flap of my wings and there is a deafening sound of air becoming agitated due to my mischief. I smiled and found myself floating in the air….. er… wait a minute… floating? I am supposed to be gliding ahead… why was I floating… oh no I was not even floating… I was just stagnant. Stagnant,… yuck that is not a good word… its not supposed to be associated with free creatures like me. L

Yes oh ye fools, I was not able to make use of my majestic, powerful wings to make my way to where my heart wished. Why was I still there? On top of that stick with a cloth tied to its end, on top of that structure where those humans were making a beeline… why was I not moving.. Hell I gave a curling shape to my wings, ‘ rip curl ‘ – I call it… my rip curl is my secret weapon against all those useless birds who disturb my calm every year in my habitat. Anyways there I was not even able to use my ‘ripcurl’ … why I still stood there, wings spread apart, all my muscles contorted in effort to fly… fly… fly!!! Fly is what I am supposed to do, but was not able to… Why.. I am still there… some force is still keeping me stationary on top of that mast … people have come and gone.. I still am there. My wings are tired from all the flapping, I have discovered a few muscles that I never knew existed… now I do not even make an effort to keep my wings apart.. but strangely even my wings are being acted upon by some strange force… there I am the best creation of God , destined to kiss the sun’ s rays, caress the winds, experience the company of clouds, the friendship of the leaves adorning the trees … the perfect symphony of God’s emotions… left stranded on the altar of the God !
Yes oh ye humans, I am an Eagle !!! And I am stuck on top of the Temple !

BUT WHY !!!! THAT’S THE QUESTION.

My Home Town - Vadodara ( India )

The winds that blew still blow the same, but the smells are different,
The roads that were still remain the same, but the places they lead to are different,
The sky that was still is, but the vastness has changed.
The trees have changed, the people have changed, the celebrations have changed, and the reasons for joys and sorrows have changed. What has still not changed is the soul - the body like any other of its ilk, has put on various clothes. Yes, the city of Vadodara has also been a part of this new trend that swept across the nation or rather the country – globalization. Sweeping changes is what we associate with globalization and not for unjustified reasons. But when I look back at the city that was and the city that is of Vadodara, I still can’t term it as “sweeping”. There have been changes in the city as has been in the rest of the cities of the country, but then it is very difficult to see the huge change as far as the tangible signs of globalization go. But it would be very unfair to say that the city has escaped globalization. The changes have been more in the psyche of the residents, social norms, accepted way of behaviour etc. Once we complete this retrospect, only then will we be able to make a somewhat safe assumption on whether globalization has been good for the city or not.

Vadodara’s identity as a cosmopolitan city has been mainly due to the patronage of its erstwhile rulers, the Gaekwads. Maharaja Sayajirao Gaekwad who took the throne in 1875 was responsible for the modernization of Vadodara. I have been living in Vadodara since 1982 and I had never really looked into the different changes that have taken place ever since. It’s true that it’s only when one stays away from their hometown for a period of time and then when they come back that they tend to notice many things that have changed in that place. The city of Vadodara according to me has developed leaps and bounds as far as the infrastructure is concerned. The buildings that have come up are sleek and modernistic, a far cry from the buildings of ‘the Raj’ era. The typical houses of Vadodara of the old were one storey houses with good amount of garden space. But now they are being replaced by the smaller, efficient, modern houses that try to utilize every inch of the space at their disposal. The quintessential element in every Gujarati household used to be a “hinchko” – a big swing for the members of the household to sit and swing on. This swing or “hinchko” has suddenly disappeared from most of the household maybe due to space constraints or due to the more modernistic choices of the members.

Alkapuri, one of the oldest and most affluent residential areas of Vadodara had the rich and the influential persons as the residents till some time back. But now that area is full of offices of banks that have either rented or leased the big bungalows and converted them into plush offices. The whole area which once had a quiet look has now turned into a very busy business centre in the city. The past 4-5 years has seen the opening of a large number of restaurants and eateries all around the city and all of these are doing very well. To add to this, the variety of restaurants has also come up to very good standards with theme based, ambience based and cuisine based restaurants being the flavour of the season among the masses as well as the glitterati. It’s as if the whole city is giving testimonial to the fact that they love eating out and were earlier deprived of it.

Since 1962, the year which saw a spurt in the industrial activity in the city, the city’s people have always had a special relationship with the big companies and industries like ONGC, IPCL, Gujarat Refinery, Alembic, Sarabhai etc. The big townships that surrounded the city were a symbol of pride for the residents. But now there has been a steady moving away by the employees of these companies from these townships to private houses in other parts of the city. More and more people want access to the ‘happening parts’ of the city and prefer staying in the busier areas rather than the outskirts. There has been a shift from the reliance on the big companies to the smaller and more efficient ones as far as the employment sources seeking youth are concerned. Hence the big companies like Sarabhai (which used to employ thousands of employees in its heydays) have practically closed down. There is more influx of the skilled professionals into the city and this has added a more than ever cosmopolitan flavour to the city’s population. The city was always know for its diverse population and the refined tastes of the citizens, but now since most of the companies and firms have started having serious offices in the city, the spectrum has broadened. The buying behaviour of the customers and consumers has also changed to a more aggressive approach. By this I mean that the consumer will spend a considerable amount to get the desired product or brand. The brand consciousness has increased and this has been evident in the large numbers of branded products’ showrooms that have opened up. The opening up of multiplexes and shopping malls has been a welcome trend according to the masses.

Another interesting observation can be made about the medical facilities. Earlier the government hospital used to be the only multi-specialty hospital in the whole of the district. But now the city is home to at least 5 multi-specialty hospitals with a good listing of specialist doctors who are very well versed in their respective fields. The confidence in the doctors of Vadodara is so high that there have been even instances of patients from the developed countries like the UK and USA coming to Vadodara for treatment and surgeries. The globalization has helped the city doctors to fulfill their dreams of a thriving practice right at home. The fantastic education provided by the Medical College is a very good contributor to this and the standard of the education in the city colleges has been very well maintained due to the access to the cutting edge education tools and instruments.

The city is widening at a rapid rate and there are fears of it growing bigger than it has capacity for. Already the roads have started becoming congested and the pollution levels have gone up considerably. This is destroying the basic inherent strength of the city of being a developed but peaceful city. The people of the city used to be very humble and polite and were very peaceful in nature, but now it’s been reversed. With the riots that happened a few years back, the city’s reputation has taken a beating in the country. The people are visibly more aggressive and extreme in their views. My friends who are normal guys and gals usually get very animated and extreme when issues such as Hindutva, religion and riots come up. I never had experienced such bitterness in the past. There has been a tectonic shift in the ideals, ideas and perceptions of the people for the past 5 years or so and this is a very disturbing sign. The politicians blame globalization for this and those in favor of globalization blame the inability of the politicians to cope up with globalization for this. All in all, although the people are happy with what is happening to Vadodara in terms of development is concerned, yet the ghosts of the past do tend to rear their ugly heads every now and then.