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My amma is coming to meet me, to Bangalore !!! Great news for a person who has been longing for her for such a long long time…I have not seen her for 6 months now.
But why am I not going “Yahoo!!!!!... My amma is coming “ Why?
Somehow I think I do not want her to see me in this shape. I do not want her to meet me like this. She says that she will come and set up my kitchen , so that I do not have to face any trouble setting it up. Why is she doing this to me? Why do all mothers have to be so loving and caring… I do not deserve her love yaar !!! I am sure I will spill out everything I have inside of me to her and she will feel deep sadness at my misery. I am somehow going along this life , recovering and starting to be a bit more happy each day at a time… sometimes sidelining the hurt , sometimes burying it deep inside, sometimes brushing it off with shake of my head and shrug of my shoulders.
In between this process of healing, there she comes, my only solace but ironically also a catalyst to my pain. I do not want to make her stay here miserable by talking to her about my wretched mistakes and hurt. But even if I do not tell her, she will find the melancholy in my eyes.
The whole of the night yesterday and day before I could not sleep thinking of the heavenly figure descending to my city. I have not been able to think of anything that I can do with her here … its also a month of great pressure for meeting our sales targets and already I have a big presentation coming up on Saturday – the day when amma will be leaving Bangalore.
Why did I not call her up for the past two day? Why ? surprising considering the fact that I call her everyday. She has made Gajar ka halwa for me…  I could not stop my eyes from shedding a tear when I heard her over phone saying that she will make my favourite dishes and carry with her for me. She woke up early in the morning to make the halwa, while I was twisting and turning in my bed to catch my forty winks…. Why did I have to get into such a mess? Good parents deserve good sons… why am such an incompetent fool. Why do I share the love that I have in my heart with people who do not even care a shit about true love? Could I not have given that same love to my parents and made them even more happier?
Amma please do not come to this son of yours who has proved to be a disgrace. I am afraid if you come , then I will just leave all this that I have here and come along with you… in short I am afraid that I am becoming a coward !!! 