Today morning, a friend informed me ..... " Jo has become Mrs. Subramanyam !"
Jo... the girl whom she had known all her life as Jo ( Jyothi ) had suddenly taken another name ! I was even more puzzled.... why do we change the names of women once they get married? I have seen some castes/regions in India, changing the first names of the newly wed women. So the innocent 'Tulsi' becomes 'Kalpana', Veenas become Lakshmis (lol )... and so on.
Why is there need for changing the single most important identity of a woman? I remember once asking the question to one of the elders in such a family back in Baroda and the reply I got was “ She has entered a new household, and become part of a new family. She now belongs to her husband and his family. So she must shed all her previous roles and become like this family. So changing name is a part of that process.”
I was livid ! I am still livid ! How can you say something like that ! How cruel !
Notice the usage of the word “belong”…. How can a person belong to another ? I have never understood this concept ! She is an individual with unique set of characteristics. How can you even imagine that you can change her and all that is her, by just changing her name ! How naïve !
Imagine what must be going through the mind of the girl ! She must be a wonderful lady with unique qualities and abilities – abilities that help her think in a manner that nobody can even fathom. Her nuances and intricacies of her mind…. All a unique package…. And yet she is forced to think like all of us normal people do… forced to assume an identity that is ‘not her’
Will a guy ever change his name ! I know that I will never agree to change my name! But yes, I will never force a woman to change her name. Heck I wont even agree to a woman changing her last name !
Why should a woman be always be known as a Mrs. Iyer or a Mrs. Menon or a Mrs. Subramanyam or a Mrs. Sharma ! And we take it a step backward by sometimes referring to her by mentioning her husband’s name ( for e.g Mrs. Sanjay or a Mrs. Deepak )
Why is the woman not allowed to keep her name as before marriage? I for one had always thought that I will never force the woman in my life to change her name , not even the surname (last name). Now I will never get that opportunity to show my rebellious nature… but I do always make sure that I drill this into my friends’ heads… that they must dare to not let the love of their lives, lose their identities. I know that by changing the name, it does not mean that the woman loses her identity… but still why the heck should she even have to do that….. Ask any woman, “ lady, do you ideally would like to change your father’s name attached to your maiden name? “ and she would say “ No “. Women love their parents far more than we men do. It does not feel good when they need to throw away their family name and assume another.
So why don’t we all let our women just be. Lets not get into fickle minded monotonous rules dictated by some demented fools
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