Have you ever noticed the ‘Ayyappans’ – the devotees who are observing the fast and abstinence rituals? There are so many shades that we can observe in them. Why do they not smile?
Mainly the Malayali Ayyappans who come to the temple that I frequent, are such sad creatures. They come with their wives, who seem to be more keen and happy about their husbands going for the pilgrimage. It’s the women who carry the various accessories of her husband, it is she who follows her Ayyappan husband in the rituals and helps him like an attendant does… holding the towel, handing over the prasadam, arranging the ‘malas’ (necklaces for the devotees ) and assisting him in even wearing those ‘malas’. And this makes me feel all the while that the wife is more keen, dedicated and having more of the spirituality quotient that him. I have yet to see an Ayyappan smile. It is as if they are being forced to do something against their wish. Strange !!!!
On the other hand are the bachelor Ayyappans who seem to care two hoots about anything that is going around them. They are the most happiest of the lot. They joke around with each other, pray hard and generally are more seemingly at ease being a swami.
The Tamilians are again an exception… they seem to be more ‘into’ the stuff than their Mallu counterparts. It has been a unanimous observation that the number of Tamil devotees at Sabarimala outnumbers or at least equals the number of Malayali devotees. If you stand on the highways connecting Tamil Nadu and Kerala then you will find every third vehicle to be carrying Ayyappans. They are also more vocal and more active in doing the things that go into completing the pilgrimage. Their ash smearings on the forehead are more pronounced, their attire has more of black colour, their cries of “Swamiye” more vociferous and piercing. Why?
I am not saying that we Malayalis need to compete with them in such a silly thing as degree of devotion… but I in fact am observing the attitude of the different sets of people who are doing the same things, but each in a different way.
Then we come to the question of why to go to Sabarimala?
Some people say that they go to mala every year and hence they are going this year too. Now that, to me, seems to be a confused statement. One does not go to a pilgrimage, keeping in the frequency or the numbers in mind! One goes there because; one has to feel the devotion and the need to meet the Lord. ( I know some might say that there is no need to go to a temple to meet the Lord ! , well I agree but let us just overlook that argument for the time being)
I do not feel like going to Sabarimala because I know that I cannot maintain the rigorous demands of this pilgrimage. I cannot keep my mind off certain matters that are forbidden for an Ayyappan and I know that I will take a bit of time more to get these thoughts completely out of my mind. So is that a crime? People love troubling anybody who does not plan on going to sabarimala. "Why are u not going? Young people like you must be going there."!!!
A case in point is one of my colleagues. The chap is going to get married in few days and he cannot stop gushing and blushing at the mention of his fiancée. His father-in-law and brother-in-law are hardcore Ayyappan devotees and go on the pilgrimage every year without fail. Now they both are pressurizing our poor fellow to join them and that too, just a few days after his marriage !!
Now, one is supposed to observe abstinence and celibacy during this period. How can you expect a newlywed man to keep off from his rightfully deserved pleasure? Now even if he sincerely wants to go, yet, is it possible for a newlywed guy to keep the “impure” thoughts out of his mind? I do not think its possible. Yet the world will never take into consideration, all these aspects. They will just ridicule him and everyone who does not go. I believe once must go only when one is mentally ready. It is more a test of our mental resilience than physical.
Make no mistakes about the fact that I would love to go to Sabarimala. Such a beautiful and enchanting experience it was the last time I went there a couple of years back. It a different adrenaline rush altogether. The calmness of mind that is achieved on those 18 steps is just indescribable. But one needs to do justice to the God’s demands. So since I am not fit to be doing that now, is that such a crime to be not fasting, or abstaining and not going to the pilgrimage? Again am asking a question … but this time the difference is that I am also trying to answer it too.
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